Vietnamese Mythology Retold: Sơn Tinh vs. Thủy Tinh
The biggest dick measuring contest in all of history.
King Hùng the 18th, last in a long line of Hùngs, had a daughter of impeccable beauty. To describe the Princess Mỵ Nương’s beauty was an ordeal of not only the eyes, but the senses, for she robbed the world of all attention with her presence, the flowers shy away, and kingdoms were traded for a moment with her. Some said she was cursed with beauty, for she was never allowed to look at a mirror ‘lest she fell in love with herself. Other said she was the reincarnation of Âu Cơ the Allmother, for the country itself went out of its way to keep her happy. Birds grounded themselves to pay Mỵ Nương respect, tigers bowed if she as much as looks in the general direction of the woods, and every oyster she picked tried their best to produce pearls that outshone the Moon.
Thus, it was much to every living being’s (herself as well) chagrin that Hùng Vương decided it was time for Mỵ Nương to get married. As a princess, she had no choice but to obey, but if Mỵ Nương had to meet another old, crippled, decrepit king or those princes full of themselves with food and stupidity, she would rather shave her head and become a monk. As with all leaders who have little to do, Hùng Vương took the ultimatum seriously and asked all of his advisors to convene at once.
“How about a poster? Since the princess does not fancy royalties, let her decides who she wants to marry?” - Very progressive of the advisors at the time, you might think, but such privilege was ringfenced only to the most beautiful woman in all the lands, while lesser princesses had to tie the knots with rulers older than their grandfather.
Thus, flyers were put around the kingdom, on every notice board in every outhouse, you could not eat a bowl of noodle without knowing Mỵ Nương was looking for a husband that was not only handsome, but could also “move mountains and part seas with their willpower alone.” It was a requirement specified by the princess, designed to also test the suitors of their mental faculty.
Even with such a seemingly outrageous task, thousands flocked to the palace of Hùng Vương everyday, if only to breath in the same air as the princess, or see her shadows behind the curtains. Little did they know, the silhouette was not of Mỵ Nương, but her servants on a rota, and they would report back to the princess any man with potential. Needless to say, months passed without any progress, with Hùng Vương growing ever more restless while Mỵ Nương gleefully enjoyed the grunts and anguish of her father and the failed men.
Until one day, two Gods came. One was Sơn Tinh, God of Tản Viên Mountain, and the other was Thủy Tinh, grandson of Lạc Long Quân, God of the South Sea. Mỵ Nương was instantly enamoured by Sơn Tinh, his pecks did not just glisten but attracted every source of lights, and there was something about his loincloth made of tiger skin and the deer pelt he draped over his body that suggested a wild, untamedness she has never seen before or since. On the other hand, Thủy Tinh was also quite a catch, his eyes alone drew you in like a whirlpool, and in contrast to the rugged Sơn Tinh, every movement of Thủy Tinh was refined, meticulous, elegant, each of his muscle optimized for function, rather than size.
Still, they were going to work to get her, Mỵ Nương thought.
“Show us what you can do, Gods, and I might consider talking to you again.”
Without a word, Sơn Tinh stepped up to show off what he was capable of. With a stomp to the ground the force of a meteor, the Mountain God summoned behind the Palace a mountain, complete with the cries of phoenixes, roars of dragons, and somewhere a waterfall was thundering down a lake. Sơn Tinh, clearly proud of his demonstration, crossed his hands and held his head high, basking in the applause from the crowd that has gathered.
“I suppose it is my turn. Pardon me, Princess Mỵ Nương, for my talents might not be as flashy.” Thủy Tinh was kneeling to Hùng Vương and the princess.
He snapped, and the waterfall stopped. Then, like a conductor, he beckoned the water in the newly created mountain to come forth. Each stream spun and twisted violently as they pierced the Palace’s wall and gathered above the Sea God, condensing into a ball of liquid. As Thủy Tinh moved his hands, the ball caved in like clay, eventually producing a flower.
“A Water Rose, ever lasting, ever remained its beauty. It is also my wish to you, Princess.” Halfway through the sentence, Thủy Tinh, who a second ago was in the middle of the courtyard, was now in front of the curtains next to the throne, where Mỵ Nương was sitting. He kneeled again while holding out the blue rose.
“If you’re going to use my mountain for your little act, pal, you better ask permission first!” Sơn Tinh said. The Mountain God, not familiar with the spotlight being someone else’s, charged at his rival with a fist raised.
“You were merely using the water that was already there. Perhaps you should be asking for my permission, no?” Thủy Tinh fired back, stopping the punch head-on.
“Stop, or swear to the gods I will call off this event immediately!” Mỵ Nương spoke while her father was still stunned by the impact. “You are both very powerful.”
She coughed, holding back “and also very handsome.”
“And this bickering of yours won’t help me decide who’s better suited for marriage. So I hereby propose another challenge.” - But her eyes were already looking at Sơn Tinh. “Father, may I have a word.”
After awhile, the King emerged, saying:
“The challenge is thus, and it is of my own creation: who between you two can, in one day, bring me one hundred trays of sticky rice, one hundred bundles of bánh chưng, an elephant with nine ivory tusks, a cock with nine spurs, and a horse with nine crimson manes. Whoever comes earlier will have my daughter’s hands in marriage.
Thủy Tinh was no fool to not see Mỵ Nương’s intention: all of the offerings are available on land, while his domain is the sea. But the God was determined, and he was going to win no matter what.
The next day, before the rooster even crowed, Sơn Tinh asked his animals to bring in the requested items, and quickly took his bride to the mountains for a ceremony. Thủy Tinh, meanwhile, after a night of endless scouring, came only to see Sơn Tinh and the love of his life hand in hand. His anger swelled up like the surge in a storm, and Thủy Tinh let out a scream that boiled every source of water in the proximity. He was going to get Mỵ Nương, one way or another.
On his way to Tản Viên Mountain, Thủy Tinh summoned his army of fishfolks and crustacean soldiers, behind him the atmosphere shifted and shrunk as the air became electrified by the coming storms. Citizens of the kingdom woke up to find water level at their knee.
As the waters rose, fields were flooded, and villages were submerged. The storms grew fiercer with each passing moment, snuffing out the Sun. Thủy Tinh himself revealed his true form as a Water Dragon, his scales glowed with a bluish hue, a green mane ran along his back, his pupils were now a vertical slit, optimized to see in the absent of light, ready to prey on his enemies. From his mouth, the Dragon shot out tornadoes that twisted and twirled like serpentine tendrils, bombarding not only Tản Viên but the surrounding towns. And as the sea comes ever closer, so did the monsters of the depths gathered and multiplied, wreaking havoc on the lesser humans.
Sơn Tinh did not faze. In fact, he was rather happy. His new wife, as beautiful as she was smart, just tipped him off to an amazing news: The only one to have ever stolen the people’s attention from him was now dead set on being a villain, putting him as the spot of a hero. Although he could have just teleported away, there was no way Sơn Tinh was going to miss a chance like this. So, he sounded his bronze drums, Mỵ Nương in hand, to gather the people against the ferocious, the evil, the inhuman enemy.
The resilient people were quick to unit in their efforts to aid Sơn Tinh. The strong and able-bodied worked tirelessly to build embankments, giving rise to the sturdy dikes that protect against floods in Vietnam to this day, while the children and the elderly cooked and sewed and cared for the wounded. Sơn Tinh, meanwhile, lifted hills and moved mountains to create barriers against the oncoming floodwaters. As Thủy Tinh's waters rose, Sơn Tinh's mountains rose in equal measure. For every kraken there was a mighty golem, their stone bodies animated with ancient power. From their massive hands, they hurled boulders and rocks at everything that was non-human. Explosions of water and stone echoed through the air as the two elemental forces collided, and Tản Viên Mountain became half the size it was just that morning.
The epic battle raged on for months until, exhausted, Thủy Tinh was forced to retreat. Since that day, Sơn Tinh and his beloved Mỵ Nương lived happily together in peace and joy. However, the animosity between Sơn Tinh and Thủy Tinh only deepened over time. Every year, around the seventh month of the lunar calendar, Thủy Tinh would remember their ancient feud and lead his forces to engage in battle with Sơn Tinh. Despite his efforts, Thủy Tinh faced defeat.
And that was the legend of Sơn Tinh and Thủy Tinh, serving as both an explanation for floods and insights into flood prevention methods and a testament to the enduring spirit of resilience and unity of the Vietnamese people.
Of course, what humans told themselves is only a version of what happened.
You drew me in with the subtitle 😂
This was quite enjoyable, glad I found time to read it on a busy day. I thought the use of the word 'pal' felt a bit distractingly modern.